Why does life feel like it’s rushing by?
Why does time seem to pass so quickly?
We live in a constant state of distraction.
We are multitasking, rushing and running from one thing to another, oblivious to much of what’s happening around us.
I remember the year my friend chose “Notice” to be her word. She was determined to notice more – to pay closer attention. “What a great idea,” I thought when she told me about it. There are so many things we don’t notice because we are simply not present.
Notice is a great word; I refer to it often, especially when I feel frazzled or anxious.
So, exactly how does one practice the art of “noticing”?
Here’s my four-part formula.
Listen. Feel. Reflect. Detach.
Listen. What is listening when we are communicating? Are you listening to understand, or are you listening to reply? When we actively listen, we not only hear words, we hear a message. Active listening shows interest, compassion, and understanding.
How about listening to the world around us? Close your eyes and listen. What do you hear when you shut down some of your other senses? Listening can open up a new beautiful world that’s always been there, but we weren’t paying attention.
Feel. I don’t know about you, but I don’t take the time to feel my way through things. I am so busy and responsible for so much that I tend to ignore the act of feeling. Emotions take time to process. Therefore quickly, I’m on to the next thing. And trust me when I tell you, stuffing your feelings doesn’t make them disappear. They sit and wait, ready to pounce when you least expect it.
When my mom died, I was so busy with her funeral, cleaning out her apartment, and getting everything in order that I didn’t take the time to sit with my immeasurable loss, as hard as it would be, and allow myself to feel. Three years later, when my kids were in a terrible car accident, all those stuffed feelings came rushing back, causing me to break down. It was much harder to unclog three years of stuffing my feelings than it would have been to work through it, a little bit at a time. You can’t avoid feeling, so don’t put it off.
Reflect. Think of it as having leftovers. All of our memories are stored away. If you enjoyed something, pull it out of your memory bank and re-live it from time to time. When I’m trying to calm myself to fall asleep or inspire myself to try something new, I reflect on things.
Detach. Detaching is probably the hardest thing to do and the number one culprit that keeps us from living in the present.
Detach from what, you ask?
For starters, try detaching from technology. I could write about this for hours. My daughter has high anxiety and decided to delete her social media. Guess what? She is happier, more productive, and has control over her health goals for the first time. I have been traveling quite a bit in the past few months. Instead of documenting absolutely everything, I’ve intentionally interacted with people and explored what’s around me. I feel more fulfilled and so much calmer.
We also must detach ourselves from the drama that isn’t our own. Think about it, most of the drama in our lives belongs to someone else, and we just open our ears and hearts and allow ourselves to be flooded. We need to detach ourselves from outcomes. Try as we might, we cannot control everything that happens around us. Detaching means letting go and letting things unfold naturally.
“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” – Eckhart Tolle.
